I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
His hands were made for my vagina.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
