nut hugger
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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