the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
