All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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