let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
