Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
