If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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