After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
