I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
