i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
