I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
