So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
