how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize