these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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