u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
