Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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