Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
