somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
