So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
