I can text with my tongue
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
