No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
