i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize