can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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