i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
