We named our party play list daddy issues
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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