Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
