dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
