flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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