had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize