My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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