i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize