i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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