I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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