Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
