Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
