Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
