kristin has been a bad kristin
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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