So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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