seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
is wine microwaveable?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
