Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
