You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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