I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize