I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
