I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize