Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
