dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
