I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
