Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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