I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
