I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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