So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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