all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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