Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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