I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
