your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
