He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
