I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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