We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
