last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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