she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
